My life on fire*

As I am applying to so many jobs everyday, I sometimes don't even look at the title before I click on the "Apply to this job" tab.

Last week I accidentally applied to a position as "International journalist" and as soon as I realized it, this strange melt of excitement and fear started to run in my blood, like an injection, I would say.. Now after strugglilng for a week I have the guts to talk it out. I can't protect myself from this idea, even though I still haven't taken any steps in this totally-out-of-my-mind way. Ironically I am hangging onto the "lack of time" concept to buy myself some time.

The thing is that I have already sacrificed a lot to be in the place I am now, the place I wanted to and I believed I would for the rest of my life. I am rather old to change direction one more time.. 

Then all these phrases on my CV ran through my head, everything I have been doing during these 28 years "masters in system analysis engineering, strong analytical skills, high problem solving ability, a comprehensive view from A to Z of all processes, masters in international business, practical knowledge of international finance, marketing, inter-cultural management, sales and negotiation, strategic thinking and story telling abilites".., "flexible", "practical", "performing"..

I touched my forehead as if checking for a fever or something. I'm not hot, but I feel a strong fight inside me, not my body, but my mind..  

Then the very last words of my CV paraded in front of my eyes. The short, brief and normally ignored line of Hobbies. "Blogging, writing short stories and criticisms."

What if one could read my CV the other way around? why wouldn't I try to re-structure it from the bottom up, polishing my hobbies and putting it on the first flashing "Objective" line? Then all these business and engineering skills would carry different meanings, not much irrelevent, mind you..

The question then would be what do I do with my zero days of working experience, lack of knowledge in social sciences and paltry level of my English? and the most important one, what about my dream of watching my own business grow.. a dream not far out of my reach now.

.

* Inspired by "brain on fire" a book by Susannah Cahalan